After I made the cab journey from LaGuardia to Brooklyn and crash-landed on my friend’s couch, I did the hard work of finding some Craigslist randos with which to live. I met with a few apartments, but the dream apartment—the one with the most space, light, and affordability chose me and I moved in. By all objective accounts, I lucked out. My roommates are smart, interesting, respectful, and (mostly) clean. I even get to share a nice couch, a flat-screen tv in the living room, and dishes! So this is just sort of general complaints one could have about their roommates, if they have any at all:
1. Ain’t No Damn Chip-Clips. Growing up I never had the luxury of using a “chip-clip” to seal open food containers. My family was big on rubber bands. As an adult I really do see the appeal of the chip-clip. For starters, it’s two steps: fold bag, clip bag. It also is cost-effective, being probably $5 for a set of 8-10 in different sizes and colors. How do you not have any chip-clips? I don’t eat chips anymore, but I do have qualms with open food containers summoning the insect creepy-crawlies from the depths of unwashed Brooklyn. Too often I resort to using whatever fuzzy hair-tie I can find on the floor to secure the bags. Not okay!
2. The Thermostat War. To quote my mother: I’m not payin to heat up the outside! The weather has been slowly cooling down since October, and the moment I noticed it, I undertook the arduous task of removing the A/C unit from my window. It was dangerous—I put a garbage bag on my bed to shield it from whatever muck adhered to the bottom of the exposed unit. It was heavy—I am a small woman with no muscles to speak of—but somehow I got it done. I’m not saying I’m the busiest roommate, but I do think that if I can find 15 minutes to remove and store my a/c unit to encourage a maximum apt. temp of 68*, then I think you can too! Until then, I guess I’ll just keep waking up in the middle of the night to molten temperatures and moist skin. Yikes.
3. Boys…Just…Face Hair!!! I get it, being a boy is tough. Having an inexplicable condition where your face transforms into a werewolf overnight is inconvenient at best. It’s almost as inconvenient as me puking in my mouth when I’m about to brush my teeth because I see the beard homicide that has replaced my once sparkly bathroom. I should not be tempted to pet the sink! We’ve gotta do something about this face-fuzz issue. Perhaps a plastic grocery bag can catch the hairs before the sink does? Maybe we can all put a few bucks towards a dust-buster? I’m just riffing, but any suggestions would be appreciated. (also: this is not my sink, omg if this was my sink I’d jump off a cliff)
4. Drunk Binges. Not to be confused with “Binge Drinking,” drunk binges consist of getting utterly shipwrecked and proceeding to eat all of my cheese out of the fridge. I should probably thank you for keeping my diet in-tact, but I was really looking forward to that grilled cheese all day and now I have to settle for a mustard and mayonnaise sandwich. Tragic.
Is it horrible that I can’t even think of another problem? That’s how good I’ve got it. But yeah, do you have roommates? What gripes do you have?
Thank you for loving me. I just took the requisite NyQuil so we’ll see where these answers go…
6.Age you get mistaken for? Since Black Don’t Crack, I pretty much always get carded. I think 19 is the usual.
11.Best friend? I have a couple, but my closest friends are Tiffany and Stephanie.
42.The last thing I ate? Crackers, OJ, and NyQuil. Thug Life.
39.My favorite ice cream flavor? This is tough. Probably cookies n’ cream or that birthday cake kind. Ooooh, or strawberry. Fuck, I just love ice cream, okay?
Tonight I’m too lazy to find sleep clothes so I’m sleeping like I do in the summer in the winter. Let’s see if I make it the whole night or if I start freezing to death and find clothes.
I’m going to be honest, I’ve gotten lazy with this blog. The winter cold mixed with the busiest time of the year at work have made me a little blase. So here are some photos I took recently. My New Year’s Resolution is to blog here like it’s my job.
psssst, I have a photo/personal blog…
“When I’m sitting in my frozen car with my breath emitting little bursts of fog, I wish Tommy Lee Jones would show up with one of those grey blankets they always have after a disaster when the ambulances show up—and a cup of hot chocolate. That never happens, and the stoplight turns green.”
-this is a note i wrote on my iPad in my sleep at 4:28 this morning. What on earth?