A Haiku About The Gym

I hate working out

It’s winter, it’s too cold I’ll

Maybe just stay fat

The Pros and Cons of Working Out



Like everyone who ate last year, one of my numerous resolutions was to work out even more. Like 5 days a week more. Like actually stretching sometimes too, more. Like I found this great YouTube channel called “Blogilates” and now we’re in a relationship, more. But if we’re all being honest with ourselves (read: it’s not just me, right?) there are just as many cons as there are pros to working out. I will always suggest working out over not working out, but let’s be real:


  • So much for your good hair day. I have a giant curly mane and working out gets the best of it every time. After restraining my hair in a too-tight head band and scrunchy, I’m not sure why I expect my hair too look like anything presentable. Let’s not even get into the whole sweating in my hair thing. And oh yeah! Working out at the gym means a commute that zaps all the re-primping time you could allot yourself. Angst.
  • You have to create better playlists more often because you can only sweat to new songs for so long before you revert back to Britney Spears and Cher jams. 
  • People can see you
  • Maybe your body is secretly old and you hurt your knee during squats and have to use old people aspercreme on your old people knees.
  • Apparently there are more acceptable other workout clothes besides oversized ratty Wal-Mart tshirts from the 90s.
  • You will lose something on the elliptical. I’m not sure how, but I lost a chapstick there yesterday. You have to carry a bottle of water, an iPod, a towel, the complimentary token for the massage chair, your chapstick, and your dignity from machine to machine. There will be losses.

But as expected, the Pros outweigh the cons.


  • You get really unfairly hot and you live in NYC so that means your life will be markedly better. Hotness equals money. I’m willing to bet my pants that most of the “successful” people here work out on the reg.
  • You’re in a better mood because you accomplished something important. Sure, getting out of bed is an accomplishment, and washing behind your ears is important, but come on. This takes dedication.
  • You stick to your diet more because you don’t want to blow all your hard gym-work. That extra-large piece of pizza really never seems worth the full hour you’d have to put in to burn it off.
  • You sleep better because you’re exhausted. 
  • Your bathroom duties are more regulated. I’m not exactly Jamie Lee Curtis, but I care about your regularity.
  • You live longer or some crap.

I highly recommend working out. I’m not a doctor, and it’s not like some fun thing to do, but it is effective. It’s like the only thing that makes you smarter, happier, and hotter. 

Things I Learned This Weekend:

-I do not like fried plantains. I got a tv dinner from Kashi, and it was like “vegan and lots of vegetables” and it was all tasting like the standard universal grain and beans spice goo, when something a little too sweet showed up and totally ruined it for me.

-I cannot drink more than 4 drinks (shots included as drinks), and I cannot start drinking before 9 or else shitshow Akilah shows up and drunk texts become breadcrumbs that don’t lead far enough away from embarrassment.

- I have model friends. Surprisingly not jealous-hating them at all in the least.

-I need to look like a hipster and then I will get cast in so much more shit.

-There’s a Bengals Bar (who-dey) in the East Village. I will be there on Sundays.

-Joining a gym for $10 a month is worth it. I’m going to be New York skinny as soon as I stop liking candy and ice cream more than I like some members of my family.

-Going to Improv shows for $10 is worth it! I think I’ve gotten the concept of improv for a long time, but there’s something about consistently going to shows that makes it seem more doable. 

gym. gym. gym. gym. gym. gym. gym. gym. gym.

Mega productive today:

  1. went to the gym where I burned a decent 400 calories
  2. tamed the fro [took an entire hour]
  3. cam-whored, obviously
  4. tumbled.

Lazy Sundays are the best.