In case you live under a rock, or have questionable wifi, or you have no friends or family, apparently Hurricane Sandy (adorably nicknamed Frankenstorm) is coming to wreak havoc on New York City this Monday and Tuesday. Sure, it’s been to the Bahamas and is causing weather difficulties up the entire east coast, but NYC is going to make the biggest deal about it, so let’s pretend that right here is the only location that will be affected.
This storm is about to be CUH-RAY-ZEE, but I’m terribly excited to spend this torrential disaster right. Here’s what I consider to be some pretty obvious reasons why Hurricane Sandy is fixin to be the best freak storm ever:
1. It’s named Sandy! Every old movie had an awesome character named Sandy. Grease had a hot blond girl named Sandy. That scruffy dog in Annie was named Sandy. The squirrel astronaut from Spongebob is named Sandy. Those cookies old people eat are called Pecan Sandies (close enough)..Doesn’t take a genius to realize that Sandy is probably gonna be a good time…
2. Another excuse to drink Hurricanes! So you had a bad experience in Orlando with a little too much 151 Rum. It’s about time for redemption, yeah? Get some Pat O’Brien’s Hurricane Mix and mix it with dark rum, ice, and garnish with orange and cherries, and get it right this time!
3. It’s happening during the week! Ever notice how most heinous weather patterns like to show up on the weekend? How great is it that Sandy is supposed to happen during the week? Sure people are all, “but I have to go to work!!” I’m kind of all, “No one really gets enough vacation days, do they??” The MTA just confirmed that they aren’t gonna run the subway at all from tonight at 7 until Wednesday morning “at the earliest” so I plan on sleeping in, and decompressing a little bit.
4. Another excuse to listen to “Rock You Like a Hurricane.” Remember that stuff I literally just said about decompressing and sleeping in? Well forget it because I’m actually going to be prancing around my apartment singing, “HERE I AM!!! ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICAAAAAANE” to my roommates. Sorry in advance!
5. NYC could use a rinse… One of the most notable things about this amazing, whimsical, fancy city is how FILTHY it is. I really do mean filthy. Not just like “my room is dirty, but really just has a lot of stuff in it,” —filthy, but straight-up “requires hand-sanitizer” grimey. Regular rain seemingly doesn’t do the trick, so maybe a power-wash can rid this metropolis of that poop-fingers smell.
Stay safe, and enjoy the storm!